THE THREE GIFTS (1999-2001)

 

1.            Aethereal

2.            How Come?

3.            The Mirror

4.            Does It Change A Thing?

5.            To All My Friends (On Departure)

6.            Dumb

7.            In The Mist

8.            Let Killers Out

9.            To M.H. (Afterword)

10.       Sacrificed

11.        It

12.        About You

13.        Don't Let It Go

14.        Heart

15.        The Thread

16.        [so many doubts…]

17.        Sleepless

18.        Never Asked

19.        Waiting

20.       Together

21.        Be

22.       The Three Gifts

23.       Drinker's Truth: The Ascent

 


 

aethereal

 

take all the sorrows of the world

and one more time feel your true self

shed all your tears to wash my face

no smile will light your way to grave

 

forget your friends they're nothing good

they take your choice and give you dreams

it's time to go you never hear

black clothes makes all you've had in life

 

i cannot help you fade away

but you can't see the vacant chair

some tears they never come to be

some voices circle in the air

 

HOW COME?

 

No time to turn from ash to man,

No final drive to become just dirt,

No reason found to throw an honest smile,

No will to show how all the smiles can hurt.

 

THE MIRROR

 

I've seen evil

In the eyes

In the mirror.

I've felt anger,

I've felt hatred,

I've felt fear.

Too much to lose,

Too much to gain,

Not close enough

To ease the pain.

 

DOES IT CHANGE A THING?

 

So you freed yourself from love,

Threw away what it could bring.

So you did, and now you're glad.

Does it really change a thing?

 

Now you know when bleeding stops,

What tricks to play to keep mind clean.

But at the very end of nerve:

Does it really change a thing?

 

You worked so hard to build the walls,

Much harder, though, to stay within;

You need not listen any more,

But does it really change a thing?

 

As brilliant fool you trod your paths

To let another sunlight in.

Now it can warm what's never there…

Does it really change a thing?

 

You own the music that you hear,

Own each and every picture seen;

You can control all that you feel -

But does it really change a thing?

 

TO ALL MY FRIENDS (ON DEPARTURE)

 

You all have got the best of me -

I'd like to offer more!

I think it's time to go before

The time of ours, time of glee,

Becomes the time of sore.

 

I know you'll miss me but I'm sure

That if I chose to stay,

You'd have to miss me anyway,

For all my dreams have hit the floor,

And all my passion's gone away.

 

You're marked forever with my life -

With every single deed

You'll make my phantom cease to bleed,

You'll make my phantom cease to cry,

You'll make him cease to need.

 

DUMB

 

What do I need?

What do I need to become?

What sort of seed

has grown in me for all this time?

 

What stories do I have to tell

when there are lots I could sign?

When will the lie come to an end?

When will this fuckin lie

come to an end?

 

Tonight

I cried out her name again...

I should cherish what I've got

and instead

I nurse my pain.

 

Like unwanted child it comes

and my shoo is not enough...

And I crawl and wish to be

someone I could like.

 

IN THE MIST

 

Hey

You seem to have lost your way

And when you turn around

There's no turning back

No, there's no way back

 

The fuzzy shapes of what you see

The fading sounds that you can hear

The ghosts of people you could be

They only feed your fears

 

But you're going the right way

You know you're walking the right paths

And no one could do this better

And in this place, in this time

With all the screaming around

You know there's no one to do this better

 

Brave

You've never tried to ask for help

Your voice wouldn't break through the cold

Now seeking any trace of home

Have you ever had a home?

 

Dark

You've always loved the dark at heart

Now that you've found your light inside

It doesn't seem to light a thing

It's useless in the mist

 

And you're seeing the wrong things

But you're doing the right things

No, no one could feel it better

With all the chasers behind

And with no one beside

You know there's no one to take it better

 

You don't care

What kept you on the track, it's gone

Yes, you're on your own

You're all alone in the mist

 

But you keep your direction

You continue to move on

'Cause you know no one knows it better

With all the air to breath

And with no hope beneath

You've got no one to make it better

No, you've got no one to make it better

 

LET KILLERS OUT

 

Thought this life could not be darker

With all the killers in my mind

Now the real has come to get me

To pay a debt I've never incurred

 

It's not that it scares me much

As pathetic as only it can be

Yet it's made me have no life now

The life in pain I've always hated

 

They can wreck me but they can't defeat me

They will let the killers out

Innocence will have to cry

And I'll take your guilt again

 

TO M.H. (AFTERWORD)

 

You can't imagine how it is

To think of suicide every day

With this ever-present smile upon your face

You've always been so bright a girl

 

You couldn't give a thought to

Not caring for your family any more

I know girl it's not an easy thing to think of

When you've always had support

 

I know you cannot comprehend

The need to leave and search for home

But girl you've always had a place to return to

With someone waiting night by night

 

SACRIFICED

 

hurt at birth

given no chance

given to the system

 

betrayed by protectors

rebellion all a lie

following expectations

 

exact doer of their wants

no more love-me-please stuff

no more cries of fuck-you-all

 

even now a humble servant

but when the time comes

all the value turns to dust

 

the matter is

you can't use what you have sucked up

so suck up more while you still can

 

and the innocent will suffer

and the loved ones even more

die society time to die

 

time to waste your progeny

time to blow it fucking up

time to get annihilated

 

disappear

 

IT

 

It's here again

To seize my throat

To burn my guts

And steal my thoughts

 

It's here again

And you are not

You're with your pain

You haven't sought

 

ABOUT YOU

(For M.)

 

And when you come

With your secret mission to accomplish

You look like time

Has never done you any harm

But in the morning

You wish so hard to wake no longer

And in the night

You fear so much to close your eyes

 

And when you win

You're never granted satisfaction

And when you lose

There's no one standing by your side

Under your skin

You feel there is another option

But when you choose

You never choose to stay alive

 

Wish you were mine

 

DON'T LET IT GO

 

Have you ever thought of what your god needs you for?

Have you ever thought that I might need you more?

Baby, please don't make it end before it begins

Please don't ever pay for uncommitted sins

 

I lie here down somewhere at the end of the world

And you're up there, forlorn, a sort of sold

Who sold you, babe, is it the ones you love?

Or is it who you'd think that was above?

 

Or is it you, my dear, for a price you thought was fair?

Forget it all, don't give a damn, say you won't ever care

I really knew just what to say just but a while ago

Don't make it fade, don't make it go, don't let it go

 

HEART

 

scratch my heart

come scratch it open

make it bleed the poison out

disinfect and disassemble

throw away all rotten parts

 

then stitch together what is left

help it heal and make it scar

and if you can't i want it killed

so don't go sad when it must die

 

THE THREAD

 

there's a thread between the two of us

that's made up of shiny little stars

and the only thing I cannot stand

is when the night comes

and I can't reach you at the other end

 

this little thread between our hearts

has come to be my only guide in life

and the only thing I cannot bear

is when I long you here

and know you long me there

 

these little stars that shine so bright

they pour all joy into my morbid heart

and the only thing I cannot take

is when I leave my dreams

and still without you wake

 

*   *   *

 

so many doubts

so many unasked questions

and the only thing I know

 

don't believe me when I

pretend to know what to do

and never ever let me

hurt you

 

life's no poem

but can we somehow make it one?

 

forgive me if one night

I'm not back again with you

will you cry at my funeral?

 

SLEEPLESS

 

4:30 in the morning

chocolate

Cave

some unsent most-important-in-the-world words

been thinking of you all night

wanted to write for you

wanted to write to you

wanted to call you

wanted to be with you

wanted

 

remembered first writing

remembered first sleepless nights

remembered sadness

got sad

got better

got sad again

 

afraid

knowing

sighing

wondering

 

NEVER ASKED

 

can't get this rock off my chest

can't carry the load any more

crushed and unable to move

 

can't keep away from the chasm

gotta pass it through or fall

way too stiff to succeed now

 

can't break the dirty shell

and get to what blurs outside

time has got me imprisoned

 

move the rock and help me up

build a bridge and help me through

crush the shell and help me out

 

be around and give birth to me again

 

WAITING

 

sadness takes over

don't know why

 

some familiar radio voice

some thoughts of good-time shadows

 

your room in my heart

it's dark

you must have drawn the curtains

 

your things in my room

they tell me

you'll be back here

 

keep telling myself

you'll be back here

 

TOGETHER

 

we should be together now

 

can't stand

hurts when you

 

hurts to hear you rejoice

withouth me

with others

enemies

 

hurts it hurts

for I should rejoice too

for you

 

want more

more and more

can't feel you gave it all

 

lines to be removed

 

can't see

can't feel

nothing matters but me

 

tell me

 

we should be together now

 

BE

 

be my rock, be my castle

be my never-crumbling bastion

build your walls around my heart

to protect it from what's dark

 

be my way, be my road

be my path that leads me on

along both sides install some lamps

to throw your light wherever I am

 

be my wood, be my forest

be my hideaway from worries

let me lay down in your shade

after all my fights are made

 

THE THREE GIFTS

 

When you gave me your meteorite wish

I didn't know of what you felt

You felt I should be yours, I know

Now when I nurse it in my head

 

And when you gave me your transparent stone

I didn't know just what you meant

You gave your heart, I know it now

Now when I hold it in my hand

 

But when you gave me the agate ring

I knew your thoughts without a word

I know them just as well right now

Now when the lives of ours are shared

 

DRINKER'S TRUTH: THE ASCENT

 

how come you're lost again now, mister?

you've got so high and you still worry

you've found the one you always missed, sir

don't simply let it be the end of story

 

the hands that try so hard to make you move

the hands that get you up each time you fall

her hands are strong and now they're here for you

just look and see, don't make her wait so long

 

she's found the something she's been looking for

not caring much she had to search in dirts

it still don't matter if you're right or wrong

but no more can you be the one who hurts

 


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